Lessons from Yoga: How to Handle Flakey People

I don’t get “flakes” – the people who kind of float through life, oblivious to deadlines, commitments, or schedules.

As a go-getter, following through and delivering on what I said I was going to do is a big priority for me.

Lately, I’ve encountered a solid handful of flakey people (or non-flakey people doing flakey things)… a few years ago, this would be enough to make my blood boil and push me into a stressed out frenzy. 

But, now, after years of cultivating a personal yoga practice, I’m able to look at these situations more objectively and use the foundations of yoga philosophy to approach the situations and people involved in a more considerate way.

Here are 3 yoga takeaways that teach us how to handle flakey people.

Non-attachment

Yes, things need to get done.  But do they really need to get done exactly how you expect them to?  Can there be another way to meet the same objectives while allowing others to have the freedom to do things in the way that comes most naturally to them?

Accept that you do not always need to be in control.

Affirmation: I relinquish control and know that everything will turn out alright.

Discipline

Obviously, if lack of follow-through gets under your skin, you’re pretty strong in the discipline department.  But, there’s another side to this as well.  How can you be disciplined in your response to other people?  How can you approach them with compassion?  And, going a step further, how can you leverage this opportunity as a chance to flex your leadership and mentorship muscles?

Affirmation: I approach others with compassion and aim to help and support them in the best way possible.

Truthfulness

Most often, the things that bother us about other people have absolutely nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with our own fears and limitations.  Use your initial response as an opportunity to get introspective and explore what is at the root of your response.  What is the absolute, unchanging truth in your response?  Are you fearful of being viewed as irresponsible or selfish?  Are you angry that you are always the one to pick up the slack?  Are you nervous about being blamed for failed deadlines or blown budgets? 

Use this as an opportunity to approach YOURSELF with compassion and to allow your deep-rooted fears to come to the surface. 

Affirmation: I accept myself exactly as I am.

Lastly I’ll leave you with this:

Let it go. 

In the grand scheme of things, is it really that important?  Probably not.  

Here's What's Really Holding You Back

I’ve spent the last few weeks talking with smart, educated, successful women about a brand-new coaching program I’m launching soon.  They’ve got credentials out the wazoo.  They’ve got prestigious job titles and nice, fat paychecks.  And they’ve got one thing in common: they’re lacking the confidence they need to live the life they dream of.

You know how I noticed?  Because, I was in their shoes not terribly long ago and from time to time, I’m still wearing them around.

And it turns out this is an epidemic among women and the basis for a book called The Confidence Code (being added to my to-read list ASAP). 

I talked a few weeks ago about 6 Tips to Up Your Confidence at Work, but what I’ve really honed in on over the past few weeks is that THIS ISN’T JUST ABOUT THE OFFICE. 

It bleeds into every area of our lives – from not speaking up in a meeting, to wanting to lose “the last 10 pounds” (seriously, this must be some kind of magic number, because I heard it from every single woman), to feeling guilty about taking time away from work or family to care for themselves.

Ladies, this is a real problem.

If you’re looking for ways to up your confidence every day, try one of these quick-fix recommendations (courtesy of The Confidence Cure):

1. Get in the right position

Research suggests that women won’t seek a promotion unless they feel they have close to 100 percent of the qualifications, while men will go for it if they think they have just 60 percent.

Now, there’s definitely a sweet spot here, and my hat’s off to the guys for figuring this one out.  You want to find a role that you excel at (60% of the qualifications) but that also pushes you outside of your comfort zone and allows you to grow (40% learning curve).

2. Don’t ‘fake it til you make it’

This ages-old adage just needs to die.  Now.

In the age of social media, there’s pressure from all sides to look and act a certain way: to have the perfect job, incredibly fun weekend adventures, exotic vacations, and be pretty and polished for a selfie at any given moment.

But, guess what?  Life doesn’t work like that.  And pretending it does is creating major anxiety for us.

Let go of the expectations and ease into what's real in the present moment.  

3. Make friends with failure

As successful women, we’re programmed to believe that failure is bad.  But failure is our best teacher and when we allow ourselves to go all in and fail fast, we learn best of all.

“Failing fast allows for constant adjustment, testing, and quick movement toward what will actually work. The beauty is that when you fail fast, or early, you have a lot less to lose. Usually you are failing small, rather than spectacularly. And you have a lot to gain from learning as you fail.” (Source: theConfidenceCode.com)

And, if you’re curious where your confidence stands relative to other women, take the free Confidence Quiz over at theConfidenceCode.com. (I scored a medium)

A PR Wasn’t Good Enough

AKA Why are we so hard on ourselves? + Lessons on Failure

On Sunday, I ran the Broad Street run, which is the country’s biggest 10 mile race and kind of a big deal in the City of Brotherly love.

broad st 2

It’s a wonderful race – 10 downwardly sloped miles through the heart of Philly and some diverse neighborhoods.  It was my first long distance race ever back in 2011, so it holds an extra special place in my heart.

This year was my second time running and I had big dreams of cutting close to a minute off of my per mile pace… I know that seems absurd, but my running and recovery has vastly improved since adding Crossfit, T25, and most recently P90X3 into my training routine over the past 18 months. 

My training runs were on target to meet my goal, but about 2 weeks from race day, my training fell apart.  I got distracted, I had competing priorities, it rained a lot, and running just really wasn’t that attractive to me.

Fast forward to race day.

There are about 40,000 runners who run Broad St. (not counting any rogue runners) so it’s PACKED to say the least.  I crossed the starting line probably 25 minutes after the first heat, but I was distracted and I didn’t catch the clock time.  Instead of focusing on my time, I put my phone on airplane mode and decided to focus on the race, my feet on the pavement, the cheers, the change in neighborhoods, and the excitement of the day.

When I finished, I had NO CLUE what my finish time was like.

Of course, I obsessively checked the results page every 5 minutes for it to be posted.

When it finally was, my heart sank.

I had PR’d (set a personal record for the non-runners out there), but only by 32 seconds a mile.  Even though I’d run one of my best races ever, I was disappointed to still be so far from my goal.

Writing that now, I want to smack myself. ONLY by 32 seconds a mile.  It’s absurd. 

Cutting 32 seconds off your pace is INCREDIBLE.  I should have been jumping off the rooftops, but instead I was down in the dumps.

Here’s the thing: I expect a lot from myself, not just with my running, but in every aspect of my life.  So, when I didn’t reach my goal, it was a huge blow to my ego.

I set the bar as high as freaking possible, but sometimes I don’t give myself true freedom to fail.

It really got me thinking… it’s something I see a lot with my clients (and with myself) – not just a fear, but an apprehension, about failing.  It manifests itself in all kinds of different ways – from working around the clock to meet unrealistic deadlines to never actually starting and pretty much everywhere in between.

But, the thing is, failure is a remarkable teacher.  We learn more about ourselves through failure than through any of our successes.

“Failure is the key to success; each mistake teaches us something.” –Morihei Ueshiba

This week I learned that I need to consciously practice kindness towards myself, that sometimes the experience is more valuable than hitting a goal, and that all wins (even if they aren’t the wins I want) are worthy of celebration.

What’s one lesson you’ve learned from failure?

Do You Invest In Yourself?

My laptop gives me the blue screen of death 3 times a day, which is pretty terrible when you run an online business.

I’ve been talking about investing in a new laptop for a few months, but I just couldn’t pull the trigger, claiming I “didn’t have the money right now.”

Meanwhile, I had almost no problem dropping $200 to take my husband out to a celebratory sushi dinner.

Isn’t that so ass-backwards?  I mean, I should be the first person investing in ME.

Well, after a planning session with one of my coaches and mentors, I finally got over my laptop investment hurdle and got a new one. 

Here’s the thing: I needed permission to invest in myself.  I needed someone else to validate that I was worth it.

How silly is that?

And this problem isn’t unique to me... by a long shot. 

I talk to smart and successful women all the time who tell me they want or, more commonly, NEED to do something to improve their current circumstances, but they “can’t afford it/can’t take time off work/can’t leave their job/don’t have time/can’t <fill in the blank>”.

As a woman, it’s frustrating to see.  But I GET IT because I do it, too.

What will it take for us to realize that we’re worth it?  That investing in ourselves is the only real way to move closer to our dreams?  That we non-challantly waste our time and money on things that don’t serve us instead of going after what we really want?

As I thought about this, the engineer in me came out to play, looking for a step-by-step solution.  And, sure enough, one exists.   Here are the four questions you need to answer to move from avoidance to action when it comes to your own self worth.

What do you need in your life to take it to the next level?

(i.e. What kind of investment do you need to make?)

Let me be clear: this investment does not have to be financial.  It might be an investment of time, love, or energy.

For me, it was a silly thing like buying a laptop.  For you, maybe it’s a vacation, time with a coach to get clear on what you need, or an afternoon with girlfriends, cocktails, and Lifetime movies.

What’s your relationship with money?

Let’s make something very clear: We all have money issues.  Most of them stem from how we were raised and our earliest money memories, but not all.

Do you think money is hard to get?

Do you think you need to save it?

Do you think it’s fleeting?

Do you feel like you’ll never have enough?

Do you need to work hard to earn money? 

Does it come easily to you?

Clearing these out of your system isn’t an easy process and I’m not going to delve into how to do that here (it really deserves it’s on post or series).  For now, I just want you to be aware of what limiting money beliefs exist for you.

What needs to happen for you to make the leap?

For me, I needed permission (and permission from someone who is only a peripheral in my life might I add).  If that’s you, too, I give you permission to jump. 

But it might also be something totally different for you. 

Maybe it’s a phone call with a close friend.  Or your mom.  Or both. 

Maybe it’s checking your credit card balance. 

It might be reading an affirmation before you start your day for a week. 

It might be saying a prayer. 

It could be anything.  Get super, crystal clear on what it is. 

When will you do what needs to happen? 

In coach-speak, what’s your next logical step?

Once you identify what it is, I want you to write out a clear statement on when you will do that thing.  Remember, you’re not committing to your actual investment, just the thing that will get you there.

Now, I want to hear from you.  Do you struggle to invest in yourself?  What’s one key thing you took away from this post that you will implement immediately?

I Was Scared of a Wooden Box

Let me tell you a story.  It’s a story about a girl and a box.  Sadly, not a shoe box.  Just a plain old wooden box, about 18 inches high.One day, the girl went to a Crossfit class.  The board read WOD: ... something, something... lateral box jumps... something, something.  Eek!  The girl already disliked box jumps, now she had to do them SIDEWAYS?

Well, she put her big girl pants on and jumped like hell (sideways) onto that box.  She did quite well at first, but as her legs grew tired, her jumps grew sketchy. 

And then... she fell. 

Not a graceful type of fall.  More of a straddle-the-box, bruise-all-four-sides-of-your –legs, land-flat-on-your-face kind of fall.   Her eyes were burning with tears; she was fighting hard to hold them back.  In her head, she screamed “Fuck that box!”; in her heart, she was defeated and embarrassed.

She walked away that day terrified of the box and she stayed that way for over a year. 

Sometimes, she’d get it in her head that she was over it.  She’d stand at the foot of a box and she’d think about jumping.  But her feet wouldn’t budge.  Fear’s grip was tight.

That girl was me.

I’m embarrassed to share this story.  I’m even more embarrassed that I was scared of a wooden box for over a year. 

But there’s no rhyme or reason to the things that terrify us.

There’s a happy ending to this story: I jumped on a box this weekend!  15 times to be exact. 

box jumps

I beat the shit out of fear.

So, how’d I do it?

First, I made the decision that I was going to jump (literally). 

Second, I gave myself the time and space to do it.  A whole year in fact. I told myself, “I will do f’ing box jumps this year.” (those were my exact words)

Third, I declared it publicly.  I wrote it as a goal on the wall at the gym.   

Fourth, I got fired up.  Sometimes, I’d watch other women at the gym doing box jumps and I’d tell myself, “If she can do it, I can do it.”  Somewhere deep down I knew I could.

Lastly, I got focused.  I turned off all the noise in my head (thanks meditation practice!), I found a spot right up against the wall, I only looked at what was straight in front of me.  And I jumped.  BOOM!  Feet on box.

Clearly, this isn’t really a story about me vs. box jumps.  This is a story about me vs. FEAR. 

It’s a lesson about how fears hold us back from achieving things that we are totally capable of doing. 

I could have jumped on that box a year ago, but my mind was holding me back. What is fear holding you back from?

Are you ready to punch fear in the face?  I dare you to declare your fear in the comments. 

You Need an NBA Team

My friend “Bill” had what he called a basketball team: a harem of 5 women available at his beck and call.  Bill was a bit of a womanizer. I think "Bill" also had a couple of benchwarmers.  Bill was also kind of a dog.

You should have a basketball team, too.

Not the 2:30 am booty call kind.  C’mon, I give you WAY more credit than that. 

You need these 5 people to push you toward living a life you love.  Here’s your starting line-up:

1. Point Guard: Your point guard DOES NOT get caught down in the weeds with you.  Instead, they’re great at seeing the big picture and visualizing the future.  They help you keep your “eye on the prize”. 
2. Shooting Guard: Quick on the trigger, your shooting guard hates your indecision.  They push you to keep moving forward by taking shots and course-correcting when necessary.
3. Small Forward: This little powerhouse is your biggest supporter.  The “man’s best friend” of basketball, the small forward is always by your side and committed to your cause.
4. Power Forward: The power forward’s motto: “Do what you say you are going to do.”  They make you accountable and what let you forget your goals.  They’re constantly checking your progress and measure your success by the moves you make.
5. Center: Your center does just that: keeps you centered.  When the shit is hitting the fan, they’re there with you right in the thick of it, reminding you why you’re there in the first place.

Who are these people and where do you find them?  They could be anyone: the girl you see next to you on the treadmill, your boss, your mom, your man, your favorite lifestyle coach (had to!), a writer you totally dig. 

It doesn’t need to be any one you know and you don’t even ever have to tell them they’re playing for you.

Who’s on your team?  Tell me in the comments.

5 Tips for Succeeding at Life (because resolutions suck)

Resolutions suck. For real.

Less than 8% of people actually follow through with resolutions.

Are you surprised?

Me either.

Here’s the thing: resolutions are fleeting.

How about instead of setting resolutions, we just RESOLVE to CREATE LASTING LIFESTYLE CHANGE (or revolt and eat all the jelly beans... whatever.)

new years resolution

Here are 5 of my best tips to always be successful at LIFE, no matter what you’re up to:

1. Be a student

The most successful people I’ve ever met (myself included, of course) seek out opportunities to learn. And not just from their daily experiences, although that’s part of it.

Become an avid reader. Attend a seminar. Take a class. Seek knowledge.

2. Limit distractions

If you’re read my eBook, you know that I think multi-tasking is a joke. It’s old news, folks!

But did you know this: according to a study conducted by Michigan State University, interruptions as short as 3 seconds DOUBLE errors.

So every time you pick up your phone to answer a text, or check in on your Twitter feed, or chat online with a coworker, your potential for success decreases dramatically.

My quick fix suggestions: turn off email notifications, log off of instant messenger, check email and social media on a fixed schedule.

3. Be accountable

We’ve all heard this before – but how often do we actually take action?

Tell someone (ANYONE!) your goals – a spouse, friend, coach, your dog... no, don’t tell your dog... tell someone who has the ability to ask: Hey, have you paid off your credit card bill yet? Have you told your boss that you want to work part-time? Have you started planning your big family vacation?

4. Start where you're at

Let’s get cliche for a second – Rome wasn’t built in a day.

And the masterpiece that is you – as wonderful as you already are – wasn’t either. Growth, transformation, success... it’s a PROCESS.

It takes time to get from point A to B (or C or D or L). And no one’s jumping from D straight to L – first you go to E, then F... you get the point.

Meet yourself where you’re at – alphabetically or otherwise. Make the next logical step, from D to E, and move on from there.

5. Be generous

You know what feels GOOD? Being nice to people.

There’s something about sharing what you’ve got goin’ on that really elevates your whole mood, your whole world.

It doesn’t even need to cost anything: send a note, give a phone call, open a door – small gestures of generosity speak volumes and come back in spades.

This week’s challenge: Perform a selfless act of generosity. Tell me what you did and how you FEEL in the comments.

P90X3: It's an excuse killer.

I want to share a secret with you.

I owned P90X for 2.5 years before I ever tried a single workout.  While it sat collecting dust, I sat thinking there was no way I could ever do those workouts.  I was too scared to even try.

And when I finally did push play (which was freaking scary!) I made it a whopping 30 days before all my good intentions got pummeled by real life.  Sure, I'm a coach, and I love working out, but I'm a real person with a real life.  I KNOW how easy it is to get off track.  One day turns into 2, turns into 5, turns into 10, and then you're completely off your game.

Do you know what I'm talking about?

The sad truth is, most people who purchased P90X never make it the full 90 days.

There are two big complaints with P90X: it's too advanced for me and I don't have enough time to do 60-90 minute workouts 6 days a week.

I experienced them both FIRST HAND.  I GET IT.

Which is why I'm over the moon excited about P90X3... as I heard Tony Horton say this morning: "it's an excuse killer".  This program includes 16 TOTALLY NEW 30-minute workouts (including yoga and pilates!) and a back to basics, keep it simple meal plan.

Get the full details on the program and apply for my January 6th P90X3 Test Group here.

I Don't Have a Weight Loss Story

Clients often come to me for help with weight loss.  I don't "do" weight loss.  It just happens to be a benefit of the work that I do.   Weight is a symptom that there is an imbalance in your life related to your "primary food" - surrounding yourself with authentic and heart-warming people, finding ways to be active, doing work you love.

"Food is more than what you find on your plate.  [Primary food] can fill your soul and satisfy your hunger for life. When primary food is balanced and satiated, your life feeds you, making what you eat secondary...When we use secondary food as a way to alleviate or suppress our hunger for primary food, the body and mind suffer. Weight gain is just one of the consequences."

Let me tell you a story...not a weight loss story, a stress loss story.

When I was in the thick of a miserable existence, I was using all my energy (and most of the hours in my day) at work.  The last year at that job, I literally dragged myself out of bed every day, totally spent from the day before, just to head back to the gray cubicle that I'd grown more and more resentful of.  I let my 6-year relationship with the man who would eventually become my husband, THE most important relationship in my life, become secondary.  I ate whatever quick meals I could grab and go with, or I didn't eat at all.  When I was exhausted in the middle of the day, I headed to Starbucks to throw my hard-earned money at a triple shot (or quad if it was one of THOSE days) latte.  When I got home, the first thing I did was pour a glass (or four) of wine, before logging back in to work.  Eventually, I'd settle in to a restless night, just to wake up and do it all over again.

At the same time as this job was totally draining me, I was also deeply engaged in the work that I was doing, and I was f'ing good at it, too.  I still don't quite understand how I could love and resent something at the same time, but that's what it was.  Leaving felt like admitting defeat; staying felt worse every single day.

I was a mess.  I couldn't see it, but my primary food was TOTALLY out of whack and the symptoms were all there:

-A disgruntled attitude and accompanying constant stream of expletives coming from my cube -Binge drinking several nights a week - an escape from the drudgery of my everyday life -Constantly dipping energy levels, only fixed with multiple shots of espresso -Trouble sleeping through the night and waking up feeling drained -An emotional and physical disconnect from my husband; and -A reciprocal emotional and obsessive connection with my work

It was bad... but it didn't seem to be quite bad enough for me to quit.  Honestly, if I hadn't had the eye-opening experience where I realized I was totally replaceable, I might still be in that job.  I'd be single, have put on 20+ pounds, and get about 5 hours of sleep a night (if I was lucky).  

It was incredibly hard, but I did leave.  And something amazing happened as a result: I started to take care of ME.  I started running and got serious about my yoga practice; I even went so far as to go to yoga teacher training.  I spent more time with my husband - quality time, not "bitch about lazy coworkers" time.  I cooked more and ate lots and lots of vegetables.  I went on a hunt for work I loved (and I found it!).  Once I started to do the hard work of getting my primary food in order, the stress melted off of me - slowly at first, but compounding over time.

It happens like that with weight, too; when you start to do the hard work of creating a life you love, the rest starts to fall in to place.

It's not easy.  It's not always fast.  It's hard to walk away from things that don't serve us.  It's tough to take a step back.  But, it's also revolutionary, and empowering, and beautiful - and, as a personal coach, I'm here for you every step of the way. 

Feel Refreshed (not drained) this Holiday Season

So, how many photos of Starbucks holiday cups have you seen on Facebook and Instagram this week? I’m pretty sure that I’ve seen about 20.

Starbucks, I’ve seen your cups and hear your message loud and clear: The holiday season is here.

So many of us use the holiday season to kick back and indulge because, HELL, we’ve worked hard this year.  And you know what, you DO deserve to indulge and have a blast (not JUST during the holidays, but that’s a discussion for another day...).

But, what you don’t deserve is packing on a couple pounds in as many months OR completely overloading your body on sugar and booze OR day-long holiday shopping sessions fueled by Diet Coke and Annie’s pretzels. 

Let’s make this year different.  What do you say?

Join me for my 5 day Holiday Refresh from December 2^nd to December 6^th

(conveniently scheduled right after Thanksgiving, so you can kick that post-turkey bloat to the curb!)

You’ll get all the support you need to help you:

• Slash cravings for sugar and carbs
• Reduce bloating
• Lose a few pounds
• Have more energy and wake up REFRESHED every day

So you look and FEEL outstanding this holiday season (and rock that hot little black dress you bought for office holiday party!)

Here’s what’s included in the Refresh:

• 5 days of done-for-you Refresh meal plans & a companion Shopping List ($199 value)
• 5 days of Shakeology ($25 value)
• Daily email support from me, your coach and cheerleader ($50 value)
• Access to an exclusive, members only, online support group ($99 value)
• PLUS a personal 50-minute Breakthrough session ($175 value)

The cost? Only $49 USD!

Ready to get started? You must register by 4 pm EST on 11/22! Click below to register!

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Any questions?  Email me (I promise to respond within 2 business days)

The Fine Print

• Registration closes Friday, November 15th at 5pm EST
• All purchases are final; No refunds or exchanges
• All Breakthrough Sessions must be scheduled by 4/1/2014