The Cost of Being Constantly Connected

“Being connected in a shallow way to the entire world can prevent us from being deeply connected to those closest to us – including ourselves.” –Arianna Huffington

Let’s talk stats (because numbers are kinda my thing):

• On average, people spend 2 hours per day (a whopping 8% of their day) on their cell phones. • 67% of cell owners find themselves checking their phone for messages, alerts, or calls — even when they don’t notice their phone ringing or vibrating. • 44% of cell owners have slept with their phone next to their bed because they wanted to make sure they didn’t miss any calls, text messages, or other updates during the night. • 29% of cell owners describe their cell phone as “something they can’t imagine living without.”

(Source: PewResearch)

Do you fall into any of these categories?

I’ll be honest… I do. I definitely couldn’t live without my cell phone and I’ve been known to obsessively check for updates (sometimes for more than 2 hours a day…).

I’ve recently gotten to thinking (inspired by Arianna Huffington’s Thrive and my own personal experiments in escaping) about what my hyperconnected lifestyle is costing me.

I’ve been missing out on special moments with my husband, time spent being present and REALLY HEARING friends and family, and a more mindful connection to my body and my higher purpose.

What’s it costing you?

When I really started to dig deep into this issue, I realized how completely unnecessary it was. I mean, 15 years ago Zach Morris was just about the only person I knew with a cell phone. People DID live without them. Could I?

Yes, yes I can.

I’ve recently proclaimed Saturday my cell phone sabbatical – it’s incredible how liberating a day of digital detox can be! I’ve been asked how I do it… Here’s my Saturday protocol (+ a few other tips for disconnecting):

• Keep it simple (& temptation free): I let my phone battery dip to zero on Friday night before bed (or overnight if necessary) and I wait to charge it until bedtime on Saturday night. • If it’ll ease your mind, set up an in case of emergency plan with close friends & family. Let them know where and how they can reach you ahead of time (it’ll help to define what an emergency is, too!). • Make plans (get directions, show times, make reservations) ahead of time OR just fly by the seat of your pants – because why not?!?!? • If you sleep with your phone by your bed to use its alarm (like me), set that baby on airplane mode for the night. You’ll protect your dome from wacky radiowaves (if you believe in that type of thing) and you won’t disturb your beauty rest. • Start your day without your phone – that means NOT checking email or Facebook as soon as you wake up. Set a time when checking in is OK.

Do you struggling with unplugging? What have you found that helps you?

Lessons from Yoga: How to Handle Flakey People

I don’t get “flakes” – the people who kind of float through life, oblivious to deadlines, commitments, or schedules.

As a go-getter, following through and delivering on what I said I was going to do is a big priority for me.

Lately, I’ve encountered a solid handful of flakey people (or non-flakey people doing flakey things)… a few years ago, this would be enough to make my blood boil and push me into a stressed out frenzy. 

But, now, after years of cultivating a personal yoga practice, I’m able to look at these situations more objectively and use the foundations of yoga philosophy to approach the situations and people involved in a more considerate way.

Here are 3 yoga takeaways that teach us how to handle flakey people.

Non-attachment

Yes, things need to get done.  But do they really need to get done exactly how you expect them to?  Can there be another way to meet the same objectives while allowing others to have the freedom to do things in the way that comes most naturally to them?

Accept that you do not always need to be in control.

Affirmation: I relinquish control and know that everything will turn out alright.

Discipline

Obviously, if lack of follow-through gets under your skin, you’re pretty strong in the discipline department.  But, there’s another side to this as well.  How can you be disciplined in your response to other people?  How can you approach them with compassion?  And, going a step further, how can you leverage this opportunity as a chance to flex your leadership and mentorship muscles?

Affirmation: I approach others with compassion and aim to help and support them in the best way possible.

Truthfulness

Most often, the things that bother us about other people have absolutely nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with our own fears and limitations.  Use your initial response as an opportunity to get introspective and explore what is at the root of your response.  What is the absolute, unchanging truth in your response?  Are you fearful of being viewed as irresponsible or selfish?  Are you angry that you are always the one to pick up the slack?  Are you nervous about being blamed for failed deadlines or blown budgets? 

Use this as an opportunity to approach YOURSELF with compassion and to allow your deep-rooted fears to come to the surface. 

Affirmation: I accept myself exactly as I am.

Lastly I’ll leave you with this:

Let it go. 

In the grand scheme of things, is it really that important?  Probably not.  

I Had a Huge Fight with My Husband

I’m not one to air my dirty laundry… and in all honesty, I don’t have that much…but on Sunday night I had a big fight with my husband.

We were having a bit of a heated discussion (so emotions were high) and the he did something I despise.  He asked me how I felt and just as I was getting into a response, HE INTERUPPTED ME TO TELL ME HOW HE FELT.  He wasn’t listening to me.

There’s nothing that make us feel unvalued faster than not being heard.

And, of course, it’s not just husbands that do this. 

It’s best friends, bosses, coworkers, moms.  It’s the woman who does your hair, your bartender.  It can be anyone.

I was kind of lucky that this happened with my husband, because once I calmed down a little I was totally comfortable telling him, “You have a communication problem.  You don’t listen.” (trust me, he heard that LOUD and CLEAR)  But, obviously, you can’t exactly say that to your boss and sometimes it’s tough to say that to a friend.

So what do you do when your feelings are heart, your confidence is shot, but you still have something important to say?  Try these 3 tips for getting your message across when you’re not being heard.

1. Step Back

If you’re feeling emotional, it can be a struggle to get your message out there in a way that will really be heard.  Take a brief step back and evaluate what’s at the root of your emotional response and ask yourself how you can use that to your advantage.  I’m not talking about being manipulative here, I’m talking about strategically using your emotions to be a more effective communicator – there’s a difference.

2. Write It Out

If you’re blocked by emotion and struggling to articulate your point of view to the audience in question, write it out.  Writing can be very therapeutic and a great means to get to the root of your message.  You don’t need to share what you wrote, but it is a great tool to develop talking points to move the discussion beyond frustration and into something more valuable.

3. Flip the Script

Chances are, if someone is interrupting you to get their point across, they’re lacking confidence around the topic and feel like their opinion doesn’t matter, either.   (That, or you’re dealing with a huge asshole – we’ll leave this one for another day.)

Start by focusing outward on how they feel, not how you feel.  This may seem counterintuitive, because what you have to say matters, but trust me, it works!  Make them feel the way you want to feel by validating their point of view and then use it as a bridge to explain your own.   

What are your best tips for keeping your cool and getting your message out there when you’re not being heard?