Why I Decided to Go Back to Work

A few months ago, I made this big hoopla about leaving my corporate job to pursue coaching full time.  It felt like a huge win for me – I’d been unhappy in my most recent role for a while.  I didn’t connect with my manager, I was underutilized and undervalued, and I was disconnected from my work. 

Pursuing my passion was an immediate upgrade.

But a few months in, I was totally drained, stressed, and not really enjoying myself.

Sure, I love my coaching clients and the support I’m able to give them – watching the transformation I’m able to help women achieve in just 6 weeks together is incredibly satisfying, but there was a piece of me that was feeling unfulfilled.

At just the right time, a perfect opportunity was literally dropped in my lap, but I wavered about whether to take it.  I though I'd be judged by my coaching circle and it felt like a failure for me - like I was giving up on a dream.

Here are the 5 things that helped me move past the fear of judgement, admit that something needed to change, and make the transition back to the corporate world.

1.       Acknowledging What’s Not Working

One of the things I’m really proud of having cultivated for the last few years is a deep sense of self-awareness. 

After I left my job, the thing I heard consistently from my entrepreneurial and coaching circles was “Now you really have to push with your coaching.”  This was said to be encouraging and motivating – lots of people prosper under the stress of a deadline or an impending bill.  Turns out I’m not one of those people. 

I found the stress of living up to my high expectations and the lack of a consistent paycheck debilitating.  It literally would stop me in my tracks some days and I’d be left staring at the ceiling, wondering why on earth I hadn’t produced anything of value that day. 

None of this felt GOOD.  My coaching business – my passion project and what I consider to be one of my true life callings – felt wrong.  Something had to change.

It was only after I started to take the pressure off that things started to flow.  That’s when all the right clients started finding me. 

2.       Identifying My Core Values and Priorities

One of my strongest values is freedom and having a freedom lifestyle is a huge priority for me. 

What does that mean?  To me, a freedom lifestyle means I’m in control – not just of my future, but also in my day-to-day.  When I think of roles that excite me, the ones where I’m viewed as a professional and given the opportunity to dictate my schedule and to succeed on my own time and effort (not chained to a desk for 40 hours) are the ones that speak most to me.  These types of roles help me push my creative boundaries, instead of feeling stagnant. 

It just so happens that the opportunity before me presented exactly that.

3.       Knowing My Strengths

As Marie Forleo so eloquently puts it, I’m multi-passionate – there are a handful of fairly diverse things that I really love to do.  Working with women one-on-one or in groups to move their lives forward is obviously one of them. 

But, I’m also the quintessential engineer.  I LOVE talking about all things process and efficiency and playing with data and spreadsheets.  And I just wasn’t getting that from my coaching business.  It was like there was a whole side of me that was being neglected and I wanted to bring that side to the forefront, too.    

4.       Following My Intuition

“Many important decisions are not arrived at by linear reasoning, but by intuition.”

When I was going through the decision making process, I had some deep conversations with my husband and some close friends.  I was often asked, “Are you sure this is what you want?  I thought you were unhappy in your previous role?  I thought you wanted to escape the corporate world?”

All of that was true, I WAS unhappy in my previous role and I DID want to escape, but that was about the environment and the circumstance, not about being in a corporate environment. 

All I knew was that this FELT right, for reasons I can’t really articulate or explain.  My gut was telling me to go for it, and so I did.

5.       You Can ALWAYS Change Direction

If there’s one thing that I’ve learned along my path, it’s that we’re never confined to a particular path.  

“Ladders are limiting – people can move up or down, on or off.  Jungle gyms offer more creative exploration.  There’s only one way to get to the top of a ladder, but there are many ways to get to the top of a jungle gym… The ability to forge a unique path with occasional dips, detours, and even dead ends present a better chance for fulfillment.” (Lean In, pg. 55)

In truth, I’ve learned way more from my job hopping than any one job could teach me in even double the time.  I’ve experienced several different industries (environmental consulting, public education, public works, and information technology) – I’ve learned the ins and out of each one and I have a better understanding of the pitfalls and demands placed on working women. 

Now, I want to hear from you, how do you course-correct when you realize that what you thought you wanted might not be what you need?

How I Grew Beyond My Resume

When I was working as an engineer, I overextended myself for resume cred.

I enrolled in a part-time Master’s program.  I volunteered as a project lead for an international project in my “spare time”. I applied for committee positions in various professional organizations.  I attended networking events (and hated every second of them).  I got licensed as a Professional Engineer.  I pursued LEED certification.  The list goes on and on…

If it was out there, I wanted it next to my name. 

Doing all these things made me look better on paper (I was constantly being recruited for new and exciting positions), but there was a problem with my strategy: I wasn’t actually learning how to be a better engineer, a better leader, a better mentor, OR a better person.

I was just focused on the next big thing to get ahead.

Now, one might argue that the experience and education I was receiving were planting the seeds that I needed to be a better engineer, leader, mentor, and person, but in reality, I was just going through the motions.  My focus was on getting ahead, not on development and growth.

I’d been taught to check the boxes, to be the first to the finish line, and that more is always better.  And I’d be damned if I wasn’t going to be the best at it.

Fast forward a few years… After I burned out and stepped away from my engineering career, one of the first things I did was pare down my commitments. 

Initially, it came out of necessity; I just didn’t have the energy to continue living and working that way. 

But then, I started to realize how good it felt to be in control of where I spent my time and energy.  For the first time in as long as I could remember, I felt fully present and invested in the choices that I was making for myself and my career.  Instead of focusing on what I “should” do, I was focused on what I really wanted to do – work that was exciting to me, new challenges in different industries, volunteering with organizations that shared my beliefs, and taking classes that propelled me to a whole new level, personally and professionally.

I stopped feeling defined by my credentials and started to see my value in terms of my priorities, my beliefs, my core values, and my innate strengths.

I had grown beyond my resume. 

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Over the next few weeks, I’ll be exploring bringing more of YOU to the forefront in your work. 

Today, I’d love to hear from you: do you feel defined or pigeon-holed by your credentials and frustrated with all the things you “should” do?  Or have you found a way to bring your whole self to the table and be successful?

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Can’t seem to relax? Here’s what to do.

Do you ever feel like you’re just moving from one thing to the next?  Have 8 billion things going on all at once?  And yet, you’re always left with something else looming in the back of your mind?

Trust me:  You are not alone. 

As women, we’re natural caregivers.  It’s our nature to want to support everyone – both in work and in life.  So often, we’re taking on more than we can handle at work while trying to manage a household, too.  The end result is overwhelm, a running to-do list, and a restless mind.

This behavior is so deeply ingrained in us that it impacts everything we do.  But that doesn’t mean that a few simple shifts can’t add up to a massive change in our actions and beliefs.

Here are 3 subtle shifts you can make to release the overwhelm and create more space and learn how to relax your mind:

1. Do a Brain Dump

That running to-do list can be totally overwhelming.  Don’t get bogged down by the little stuff!  My strategy?  Get it out of my head and on paper for less stress and more ease.  Incorporate a 5 minute brain dump into your schedule on a regular basis and add to the list whenever you’re feeling uneasy.

2. Schedule Play Time

I know adding something else to do your to-do list might some counterintuitive, but stick with me here.  You are way more likely to make something a priority if it’s written down and scheduled.  If you want to create more time and space to kick back and relax, start by putting it in your calendar.  If this seems overwhelming, start with just a regularly scheduled hour once a week and gradually increase your commitment until you get to a place that feels good.

3. Tune in To the Quiet

“Meditation is not a way of making your mind quiet.  It is a way of entering into the quiet that is already there – buried under the 50,000 thoughts the average person has every day.” –Deepak Chopra

Shutting off your mind is a skill cultivated with time and practice.  Start by finding just 5-minutes a day of quiet time and plug in to a guided mediation app.  My favorite?  The Simply Being app (for iPhone and Android) – you can set your preferred time and background noise… then just find a comfy seat and enjoy your zen.

Now, I want to hear from you.  Do you have any special strategies you use to relax and unwind when your mind won’t stop and your to-do list just keeps growing?

The Cost of Being Constantly Connected

“Being connected in a shallow way to the entire world can prevent us from being deeply connected to those closest to us – including ourselves.” –Arianna Huffington

Let’s talk stats (because numbers are kinda my thing):

• On average, people spend 2 hours per day (a whopping 8% of their day) on their cell phones. • 67% of cell owners find themselves checking their phone for messages, alerts, or calls — even when they don’t notice their phone ringing or vibrating. • 44% of cell owners have slept with their phone next to their bed because they wanted to make sure they didn’t miss any calls, text messages, or other updates during the night. • 29% of cell owners describe their cell phone as “something they can’t imagine living without.”

(Source: PewResearch)

Do you fall into any of these categories?

I’ll be honest… I do. I definitely couldn’t live without my cell phone and I’ve been known to obsessively check for updates (sometimes for more than 2 hours a day…).

I’ve recently gotten to thinking (inspired by Arianna Huffington’s Thrive and my own personal experiments in escaping) about what my hyperconnected lifestyle is costing me.

I’ve been missing out on special moments with my husband, time spent being present and REALLY HEARING friends and family, and a more mindful connection to my body and my higher purpose.

What’s it costing you?

When I really started to dig deep into this issue, I realized how completely unnecessary it was. I mean, 15 years ago Zach Morris was just about the only person I knew with a cell phone. People DID live without them. Could I?

Yes, yes I can.

I’ve recently proclaimed Saturday my cell phone sabbatical – it’s incredible how liberating a day of digital detox can be! I’ve been asked how I do it… Here’s my Saturday protocol (+ a few other tips for disconnecting):

• Keep it simple (& temptation free): I let my phone battery dip to zero on Friday night before bed (or overnight if necessary) and I wait to charge it until bedtime on Saturday night. • If it’ll ease your mind, set up an in case of emergency plan with close friends & family. Let them know where and how they can reach you ahead of time (it’ll help to define what an emergency is, too!). • Make plans (get directions, show times, make reservations) ahead of time OR just fly by the seat of your pants – because why not?!?!? • If you sleep with your phone by your bed to use its alarm (like me), set that baby on airplane mode for the night. You’ll protect your dome from wacky radiowaves (if you believe in that type of thing) and you won’t disturb your beauty rest. • Start your day without your phone – that means NOT checking email or Facebook as soon as you wake up. Set a time when checking in is OK.

Do you struggling with unplugging? What have you found that helps you?

How to Create Sacred Space & Time

Life can be so hectic and overwhelming sometimes that it can be easy to lose ourselves in the shuffle.  Too often you’re feeling like there just aren’t enough hours in the day and you’re desperately craving an escape from it all.

But, instead of escaping to hide from the stress and chaos of the day-to-day, “mindfully escaping” on the daily – by creating sacred space & time – allows us to restore ourselves on a deeper level, even in the midst of our busy, noisy world.

You can start creating sacred space & time by following these easy steps:

1. Decide what "sacred" means to you. 

What is it that you hope to accomplish during this time?  Do you need want to quiet your mind, release the stress of your day, or feel inspired?

For me, my “sacred” time is about feeling grounded, clear (mentally, physically, and emotionally), and inspired. What feelings do you want to cultivate during this time?

2. Transform feeling into action. 

Once you've identified how you want to feel, identify what you can DO to feel that way.  It might be meditation, going for a run or a walk outside, practicing some yoga poses, some inspired reading, or simply enjoying a moment of silence.

My advice: Keep it simple.  This shouldn’t feel like just another thing that you have to do.  It should be something that you want to do.

3. Create a routine. 

We are natural creatures of habit and innately crave structure.  By squeezing your sacred space into your daily routine, it’s more likely to become a habit.  Plus, you’re sending a strong signal to yourself that YOU are a top priority.  First thing in the morning or just before bed (the “bookends” of your day) are great times to create some structure with a routine.

4. Have a contingency plan.

There are hidden moments in each day, no matter how busy we might feel.  Whether it’s on your subway commute, a few quiet moments during lunch, your daily walk to Starbucks for an afternoon latte, or the 2 minutes you spend collecting yourself before walking in the door each night, you can leverage these seemingly insignificant moments into powerful “sacred” connections.

Not every day looks the same as the last, or necessarily how we want it to, and that’s OK.  When things get hectic, be mindful of utilizing these hidden spaces and times to cultivate your sacred space. 

How will you create sacred space & time in your life?

The Good Side of Escaping

Last week, on Facebook, I opened up about the Year of Sobriety my husband and I are about 10 months into.  Amongst other things, I shared how I no longer feel a need to escape and use alcohol as a tool to do so.  For years, I used endless happy hours and boxes of wine to hide the fact that I increasingly loathed my job and life (a coping mechanism I picked up as a teenager and one that was reinforced in the college party scene).  You can pop over here to read the full post.

So, OF COURSE, this weekend I was reminded that escape isn’t all about hiding from things we don’t want to face.  Escape can also be GOOD and therapeutic.  Escape can be exactly what we need to reclaim who we are.

I escaped this weekend and it felt incredible.

For the first time all summer, I took three whole days all for me (and my husband).  I barely touched my phone, except to snap and share a few select pics, I tried new things (hello, surfing!), I soaked in sun and surf (my happy place), I savored Instagram-worthy meals without Instagramming them (gasp!), I had an enlightened conversation with a couple of strangers who were simultaneously wise beyond their years and aching to “grow up” (brought me back to some critical formative years), and most importantly, I reconnected with many of my core desired feelings and values: freedom, ease & grace, connection.

The truth is, it's easy to get caught in the daily grind and lose sight of what's really important and why it is that we do what we do.  Sometimes, peeling away the layers of to-do’s and stepping out of our everyday lives is what we need to help us reconnect with our priorities and put the day-to-day drama into perspective.

This weekend I got to thinking: Why do I work so hard?  Partly because I love what I do and feel the need to bring huge value to the world by being of service to others.  And partly because I want to create more space, more freedom, more ease, more love, more laughter, and more control over my destiny AND my days.  Isn’t that what we all want?

Careers are vehicles that are meant to support lives we love (not loathe) to live.  They’re just a piece of our lives that are meant to complement the whole, but they too easily become all consuming – which is where the escape comes in.

Unfortunately, escaping on the regular for an entire weekend is just not realistic.  And, sometimes, waiting until the weekend to create space is just not going to cut it.  Thankfully, there are things that can be done every day to create the same space and freedom that a weekend away will.  Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing some of my favorite inspired ideas, but for now I’d love to hear from you: what do you do when you desperately need to escape but can’t?

To Do: The Done List

Do you ever feel overwhelmed by your To-Do list and have too much to do at work ? Like - no matter what you do, it just keeps growing and growing and you just can't get ahead.Well, I've got a solution for you! Watch this week's quick video tip to learn a 5-minute strategy to help you stress less and celebrate more.

After you watch the video, comment below and share how this practice will help you stress less and CELEBRATE MORE.

Lessons from Yoga: How to Handle Flakey People

I don’t get “flakes” – the people who kind of float through life, oblivious to deadlines, commitments, or schedules.

As a go-getter, following through and delivering on what I said I was going to do is a big priority for me.

Lately, I’ve encountered a solid handful of flakey people (or non-flakey people doing flakey things)… a few years ago, this would be enough to make my blood boil and push me into a stressed out frenzy. 

But, now, after years of cultivating a personal yoga practice, I’m able to look at these situations more objectively and use the foundations of yoga philosophy to approach the situations and people involved in a more considerate way.

Here are 3 yoga takeaways that teach us how to handle flakey people.

Non-attachment

Yes, things need to get done.  But do they really need to get done exactly how you expect them to?  Can there be another way to meet the same objectives while allowing others to have the freedom to do things in the way that comes most naturally to them?

Accept that you do not always need to be in control.

Affirmation: I relinquish control and know that everything will turn out alright.

Discipline

Obviously, if lack of follow-through gets under your skin, you’re pretty strong in the discipline department.  But, there’s another side to this as well.  How can you be disciplined in your response to other people?  How can you approach them with compassion?  And, going a step further, how can you leverage this opportunity as a chance to flex your leadership and mentorship muscles?

Affirmation: I approach others with compassion and aim to help and support them in the best way possible.

Truthfulness

Most often, the things that bother us about other people have absolutely nothing to do with the other person and everything to do with our own fears and limitations.  Use your initial response as an opportunity to get introspective and explore what is at the root of your response.  What is the absolute, unchanging truth in your response?  Are you fearful of being viewed as irresponsible or selfish?  Are you angry that you are always the one to pick up the slack?  Are you nervous about being blamed for failed deadlines or blown budgets? 

Use this as an opportunity to approach YOURSELF with compassion and to allow your deep-rooted fears to come to the surface. 

Affirmation: I accept myself exactly as I am.

Lastly I’ll leave you with this:

Let it go. 

In the grand scheme of things, is it really that important?  Probably not.  

How to Recover from Overload

I’ve officially rolled into August feeling burnt out.July was filled with a few too many 16 hour days, working weekends, and a severe lack of sleep. 

While my working habits over the last month aren’t ideal, I know that having real work life balance is all about give and take and the ability to regroup and prioritize when things get out of control. 

Balance is about dealing with the ebb and flow of life in a way that supports you and having the awareness to adjust when things get off track. 

work life balance

So, now, with a new month and a fresh start at my fingertips, I’m focused on nurturing myself more in the midst of the chaos I’m just starting to wrap my head around.

Here’s what I’m doing to create more balance and recover from overload this month.

Get Away

Completely disconnecting, even if only for a few hours, is crucial to balance.  When I’m in the thralls of work-overload,  unplugging is just about the last thing imaginable, but it’s incredible what an afternoon sitting in the park, an escape to a yoga class, or hiding out in a movie theater  can do for your piece of mind.  Really want to up your game?  Escape with your guy for a weekend away (and don’t even think about taking work with you!)

Reconnect

Another key to balance is knowing where your priorities truly lie.  Spend some time journaling or meditating on what’s important to you and ways that you can squeeze that stuff in even when life gets hectic.  No clue where to start with identifying your priorities?  That’s what my complimentary Discovery Sessions are for.  Book one now.

Detox & Refresh

When work hours get long and we fall out of our normal routines, one of the first things to inevitably fall off track is how we fuel our bodies.  It means making the pizza delivery guy your new BFF, indulging in a few beers too many to take the edge off, and sometimes not eating at all. 

Get your body back in tip top shape in a flash with a quick little detox. I started off with the 3 Day Refresh coupled with some daily PiYo and am feeling lighter, fresher, and more clear headed.

Get Support

Why, why, why is it so hard to ask for help?  I’ll admit, I have an “I can do it” attitude and I often don’t realize I need help until I’m already in over my head.  What do you foresee as an issue this month and who can you enlist to help you through it?

I’m getting ahead of this month’s hiccups by bringing on the help I need early: my husband is helping with dinners & laundry, I’m including a housecleaner in my monthly budget, and I’m growing my team to include an assistant to help me stay on track.

When you’re recovering from a crazy time, what do you do to get back on track?